A few words from our Founder & CEO - Katrina Rose
The work I do to support women who have experienced domestic abuse, though it's tough, is also incredibly heartening and inspiring. It's a real blessing to see women who start off feeling broken and lost in our programme, gradually rediscover their worth, learn to love themselves as they deserve, and eventually gain the strength to break free. We call it "Freedom Eyes" because it's that transformative.
I'm genuinely proud of every woman who joins the programme, no matter if it's for one run or five. Every step they take is a victory on their journey to freedom.
This page is all about celebrating the survivors who've taken control of their lives, making choices that honour themselves and their children. They've come to realise they deserve the world, and it's beautiful to see.
I'll keep sharing more stories from these incredible women in their own words.
Massive thanks to every woman who's been a part of our programme – you're all absolutely amazing!
This is Miss R's real-life story - thank you for being so brave.
Nobody could really understand the pain of a narcissistic relationship unless you have lived through one, well I have and I survived, there was many times when I thought I wouldn’t, but I did … and it’s a strange feeling but I’m actually ok.
My relationship started in March of 2018 he was everything I could have ever dreamed of he showered me with love and affection, he made me feel like I was the only person in the world for him, he completed me only now I realise that this was in fact the love bombing stage, he loved everything that I loved, wanted everything I wanted in life and was just perfect, a true gentleman! Little did I know at this time that he just mirrored who I was, he had me at hello, and he knew that he knew I was hooked I was bonded to him because he knew I had fallen so deeply and passionately in love with him. 3 months in and I find out that he cheated on me with his ex and got her pregnant, the pain this caused me was something that’s so hard to explain but it literally wiped away my trust in just one breath.
I bent over backwards for a man that did not respect me that emotionally abused me and every mistake he made my fault, “I only cheated because you did this” when I did nothing! He gaslit me!
I took him back and supported him but him cheating on me never really went the trust was gone.
I’ll never forget the first time he physically hurt me, he trapped my leg in the door and bruised my thigh, well he was remorseful and swore it wouldn’t happen again… it did and it got worse, you see if you forgive them once they think it’s ok and they do it over and over again until your so beaten down that you don’t realise that what they are doing is wrong, after all it’s your fault that they punched you right?
The violence escalated so badly that I feared for my life, he tried to drown me, he raped me, he pulled me around by my hair and pulled clumps of my hair out, he bit me, he punched me ,kicked me strangled me, kept me from my children, tried to set fire to my home with me and the children inside , I suffered so badly at the hands of the man I loved so deeply.
That second chance turned into a million second chances and it never ever got any better, the violence got worse and then the emotional abuse started, I was no longer beautiful to him I was fat, ugly, I was a bad mother and nobody loved me, one little fight always turned into a war! He stripped away each layer of who I was until I was nothing, I was a shell of the strong, powerful, happy woman I once was.
He isolated me from my friends and my family and sometimes even my own children, he would shame me to my children and make them believe the things he said, that I was the abuser, I attacked him, I emotionally abused him.
The abuse became so severe that I tried to take my own life many times, I felt hopeless, afraid, alone, weak, worthless and empty I just wanted a way out, I didn’t want to hurt anymore I would cry and scream on my kitchen floor every night because of him ,I had completely lost myself to this man, I no longer knew what or who I was, he took every ounce of my happiness I was a shell of the person I once was. I woke up every morning wishing that I hadn’t because my life became unbearable. I honestly wouldn’t wish that on anyone! I would go out of my mind I’d become “crazy” as he would say, I was suddenly mentally unstable and bipolar all the things he would say to me, now I realise that I never was any of them he just needed to tear me down to make himself powerful and boy did he do exactly that. The abuse became normal to me, it was my life and I just sat back and accepted it because I deserved it!
He well and truly destroyed me as a woman and a mother!! He ripped my heart straight from my chest I was broken! But then he would pick me back up call me his wife that he loved me always and forever and that I was his everything. my mind became so confused because I was in a constant state of survival, every time he would hit me, I knew after he would love me again, he said he did, he apologised so that made it ok right?
The day I left was the scariest day of my entire existence, I had so many emotions come flooding in which lead me to have panic attacks, it was my best friend who made the call to the police, because he used my children as a weapon and said that if I ever tried to leave I would lose my children, and I knew that I would have a social worker if I tried to leave , I didn’t want to lose my children they are my whole world. The police turned up that day and took my statements and all the evidence I had kept from every attack, every message every phone call, every threat I had subconsciously kept it all hidden on my phone, and looking back now I know I kept it all because one day I would need to get out it was just a matter of when I could do that safely.
It took 4 days for the police to find him and arrest him, he was charged with:
Abh x4
Controlling and coercive behaviour
Malicious communication
Rape of a woman over the age of 18
Rape by penetration
Criminal damage.
Although he attacked me more than 4 times in 6 years it was the only evidence I had. He was so controlling and wouldn’t allow me to do anything on my own I couldn’t even go to the shop without being accused of cheating on him. He had my location on so he could see where I was. He left horrendous voicemails on my phone wishing death upon me and that he would smile if I died. The man I loved raped me and recorded it and then sent it to me in an argument. He constantly smashed things up in a rage to scare me. The cps kept him on remand for nearly 9 months because he was so dangerous.
Although the cps charged him with all of them things, he denied it all and always said “no comment” in his police interviews, yet I had to sit in a room and have a video interview about the last 6 years of my life. The police later informed that my case was one of the worst ones they had seen in Suffolk. The man I loved was a monster,
A week before trial he pleaded guilty to 2 counts of abh and criminal damage and at this point I was exhausted from my emotions, so I accepted his plea.
I appeared in court for his sentencing and I faced him, the judge said that he was nothing shy of a monster and that he could of killed me on many occasions, she was angry that he had done all these things to me in front of my children one of which is his daughter. I cried the entire time I was in that court room, not because I still loved him but because I actually realised how dangerous he was, hearing a judge say that the abh was of the highest count was heartbreaking because I had lived through that and finally someone heard me, someone listened to me!
My abuser got 5 years 8 months for the abuse he had made me endure and a 10-year restraining order was activated. I finally got my closure, and I was finally safe, that day was the start of the rest of my life, the chains had fallen off and when I stepped outside it’s like I took my first breath all over again … I was FREE!!!! And it felt amazing.
Because of the abuse I have suffered I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, complex ptsd and eating disorder because I lost 5 stone in weight in 4 weeks, I stopped eating and I was just frail, I was a complete mess. I really suffered and I struggled to get myself together, it’s like my life had just fallen apart everything that was familiar to me had just gone and it was a really lonely time because nobody truly understood what it felt like, the trauma bond was so real and I felt lost it was like he was the only one that could stop the pain even though he was the one who caused it, it’s odd how nobody ever talks about the aftermath of domestic abuse and what that does to you, you battle yourself everyday looking for the approval from that one person that took your soul from you!
But slowly over time I’ve realised just how strong I am, I’ve come through the worst of it with the help of therapy which is ironic really because I was the one that needed help in the end. I sat in my feelings for a while I sat with the hurt I sat with it all and eventually one day I stopped crying and that day turned into another day and another day, it’s a slow process but I’m healing finally, I’ve realised my worth I’ve come to terms with the fact that I was abused but it doesn’t define me as a person it doesn’t make me incapable of being loved again and it never took away who I am deep down, it suppressed it but my god it never took it away!! I am me again and I’m learning to build a life without my perpetrator, and it is honestly something that is empowering and exciting, knowing that I now don’t have to live in fear, I am safe my children are safe, and we have a chance at real happiness.
I’m guarded but I’m not closed off, I’m alone but I’m not! I’m at peace after many years of living in fear and never knowing what would set him off, I go to bed knowing I’m going to wake up safe and nobody is going to take that from me, I don’t have to fight for my life anymore, I’m not just existing… IM LIVING and it is liberating! ♥